Hashtag Real Talk

Little Man is finally back in school after a million snow days.  We got notice from the county that he will be in school til the end of June making up the missed days, which is actually a good thing.  The kid just thrives on schedule and being active!  Once school lets out he will start a special needs summer camp, because our county has claimed it is the best alternative to having very little ESY (extended school year) funding for any kids over preschool age. It's only four days a week, but he will get whatever therapy he qualifies for there (I assume very little), and it will keep him very busy.  He sleeps so much better if he is up early and plays hard all day, so I'm very happy we have a plan in place for summer. Originally camp was off the table for him since we thought it would be much too expensive, but now that I have read the paperwork properly (oops) it has gone from "astronomically priced" to just "slightly more expensive than an ideal summer camp".  I've been working like a madwoman trying to find funding from the county and private companies to help offset the cost, but we don't qualify for much.  I won't go into how angry I am that I am going to pay an arm and a leg for a summer program because the county is being cheap.  Actually that's all I really have to say - I'm pissed about it.  But I'm not going to let that stop me from putting him into the program because I think that will be his best opportunity for growth this summer.  

Vegas is 6 months old, and growing like a weed!  He wears size 6-9 months in pajamas because he's so long (26 inches) and right now he is filling out and weighs about 18 lbs.  His doctor had us come in for a follow-up on his head circumference because he went through a head-growthspurt, but it normalized and now his head is just right.  I was strangely calm about waiting the month in between appointments after the initial freakout on my birthday. But looking at Vegas, he is just so on-track developmentally that I never thought that there would be a problem.  He is hitting all his milestones and very emotionally engaged.  Sometimes I just look at him and get weepy thinking about how fast this baby will 'grow up' compared to my first sweetheart.  Vegas is already making the sign for milk whenever he gets hungry, and he's able to play games with us and relate so well.  Things that Little Man took so long to do, and sometimes still can't do.  

Hubs and I have had many talks lately about how strange it will be to have a little person around that is able to listen and repeat things, and eventually communicate more complex wants than simply food and TV.  How weird it will be as Vegas grows and surpasses the level that his big brother is at. We've discussed how we will have to parent Vegas who will be able to understand things like time-outs and reason (and bribes), and how one day he will ask us why he is treated differently than Little Man.  We want to be the best parents that we can be - as I assume most parents do.  But really everything we know about parenting has been about what works for our one-in-a-million kiddo. Our kid that doesn't fit in any box or diagnosis, who struggles with so many things but has surprised us with his achievements over and over again.  To be clear though, we don't ever discuss all this and think that parenting Vegas will be so much easier or better - just different.

My love for Little Man is unconditional.  If he never communicates well with us or becomes potty trained (but please baby Jesus, help us potty train this child!), it won't lessen how much I love his snuggles, his laugh, and his cold little feet in my lap. It won't change that he is my first true love, the little man who taught me everything I know about selflessness and made me a Mommy for the first time. But can we real-talk here?Things are tough with him right now, really really tough.  It's hard to wake up every morning raving about this unconditional love I feel for him when I'm cleaning up another spilled diaper, or giving a third bath that day, or encouraging him to eat something besides his safe foods.  It is much easier to rave on Facebook about the smiles from Vegas and how he is tasting solid foods for the first time, than it is to try and get my five year old to stop and pose for a picture after he's screamed for 45 endless minutes. Without stopping.  Have I mentioned there seems to be no earthly reason?

As we go through this rough patch with Little Man, I know it will all settle down eventually.  We've gone through some crazy months of things before, and they always iron themselves out.  I think it is especially hard this time because things are so simple with Vegas right now that it almost magnifies the issues Little Man is having.  I'm sure there will be times in the future where this situation is reversed.  But right now I think we just need the support of family and friends, and maybe a little luck.

 This took forever to edit.  I had a lot I wanted to get across and am still not sure I did it all justice. Sorry if the train-of-thought is chaotic!