Please Remain Calm

The hardest part of parenting for me, is being the least emotional person in chaos all the time. Some days I just want to yell "KNOCK THAT CRAP OFF!" instead of calmly looking my toddler in the eye and reminding him that his baby brother is not a stuffed animal and he can't be thrown or wrestled. Then another kid melts down into a puddle of emotions that really doesn't seem too far off of what I want to do after telling him for the fourth time that the glass window he keeps slamming blocks into is not made of concrete.

My kids are all pretty adorable little monsters. I don't have a problem loving them, laughing with them, snuggling them after they tumble... that warm fuzzy part of parenting is easy. But some days I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle to keep my less pleasant emotions in check.

Because as much as I love them - these kids can make me want to pull my hair out. Like when I am making breakfast and suddenly a full blown tantrum with tears erupts because I didn't let Vegas push the button on the coffee maker. Or when Little Man destroys a new toy by ripping it with his teeth because I left the room to pee. I hate that sinking feeling in my stomach when I hear the baby wake up 30 minutes into a nap that should have lasted two more hours... knowing now that I'm going to have to hold him for the rest of day or he'll lose his ever-loving mind. Which means that the other kids sense my helplessness and go crazy with their freedom from my watchful eyes. I can literally feel my jaw tightening up and my teeth clenching while I try to remind myself of all the wonderful and amazing things about having children. I really do try not to yell... but that is usually my go-to method. I'm definitely a "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS RIGHT NOW!?" kind of Mom. And it definitely makes me feel like shit, knowing that the answer is usually "Because we are children and figuring our life out. Can you chill?" It's one of the things I am constantly working on as a parent - just taking that second to breathe and not lose it from exhaustion and exasperation and the loneliness of being the only person around that isn't insane.

This is the face of someone who wants to be held all damn day

I know I'm not alone in feeling frustration with kids, but I know how hard it is to be vocal about it. So here I am, being vocal. Sometimes being a stay-at-home mom is all wonderful amazing moments that you can't get enough of. And sometimes it's like having 100 Mondays back to back, Groundhog Day style. 

If you'll excuse me, I have to dump out my cold coffee before I rebuild a fallen train track that is making Vegas sob hysterically. Lets hope this is the only Monday I have this week.  Deep breaths.