Confession: I have body image issues.
I am one of those people who constantly complains about their body. It is annoying, its melodramatic, I can't stand it about myself. It is involuntary. I catch myself telling yet another friend how unhappy I am and I cringe internally. I never liked hearing that sort of negativity in college (when I was fine with my weight), and now I am that person I couldn't stand.
And its not like I need to lose massive amounts of weight. As of March, I needed to lose 20 lbs to be back at my goal weight (post college-pre baby weight gain). But every morning when I got up, I hated what I saw in the mirror. I hated seeing the stacks of cute clothes I couldn't wear any more. I hated feeling dumpy and lumpy and "mom-esque". I missed feeling cute and fun when I dressed up. All I could see when I looked in the mirror was blerghhhhh.
So back in March, I made a pledge to myself that this year I would start actively making changes. I would try to stop complaining as much. I would actually do something to lose the weight I was bitching about instead of just staying miserable and chubby.
So I bought a scale. I started exercising during Little Man's naps, and took a couple classes at a local gym. While the gym part didn't stick, the home exercising did, and I lost 5 lbs eventually. Then I got stuck for awhile, and had been waffling back and forth around the same 2-3 lbs.
I was bummed. I had been exercising, but I hated that I had so little to show for it. My friends convinced me I was building muscle or something (they are really sweet friends). But I still hated that stinking scale, mocking from the corner of the bathroom and telling me I was never going to be happy with myself at this weight.
I decided a couple weeks ago to start eating clean. Not just for the weight loss aspect, but because it really struck a cord in me when I realized how much I rely on processed junk foods and take out when I could make something much tastier from scratch. AND it normally leaves me feeling happier and more satisfied that I fed myself and my family a home cooked meal.
Since my eating clean challenge began, I finally got out of that plateau! Not only that, I have lost another 3 lbs! Which puts me at halfway to my goal weight!!!!
I am so thrilled that I'm finally making my goals a reality. I don't want to be that person that whines and cries how nothing ever happens for them while they never make a move towards change. I am making changes in my life to make myself happy. I will get to the point where I can look in the mirror again and say "Hot damn. Looking good."
I am starting to love my body again. And it feels nice to be able to say that.